Relativity

Saw a passing reference to porn addiction. Seems like a bit of a cop out. No one sucks dick for porn. The very most is you lose your job for not keeping it in your pants, and that's way the hell into "Need medication, now" territory. Maybe that's why people think it's easy getting off real stuff, it's like throwing out a stack of magazines or turning off a browser.

It's hard to watch them, it's like my failures as a person playing out in slow motion. Watching what I thought I knew be peeled away. like a band aid.

I hope their happy, but I also want to hit them. Maybe I should just stop looking, forget the last while, and leave a memory, stuck and perfect, if totally inaccessible. Given the circumstances, that seems prudent for now.

Comparison

Last night, I was drunk, high, and stumbled home after midnight only to get up at 8 for events. Do you know why I still think my habits are less destructive then others?

I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING ACOUSTIC GUITAR I PLAY SHITILY WHENEVER I GET SO MUCH AS A SHOT OF VODKA DOWN.

GOD DAMN YOU GREEN DAY, I AM FUCKING SICK OF "GOOD RIDDANCE"!

Fuzzy

They're always yelling, all the time. Do they really have so little hearing left that we all must hear? I'm tired of hearing shit.

The stew tastes like pity. That kid is going to grow up mean. Unless he likes peanut butter. Then things might turn out alright.

Huh, that's a lot of autistic kids.

Missing Bits

It usually does turn out to be the little things that cause the biggest problems. Stuff you don't pay attention to normally short circuiting everything. Often times, it's just looking.

Kids, for instance. The bus stop is an eternal sociological experiment. Watching parents try to control their kids without actually paying attention. not even looking at them, maybe staring into the middle distance or a phone.

And then the older ones figure out that you're innocent if no one sees you. They never do get that's wrong though, no matter how times you get pitched out or thumped.

So seriously, expend the effort; look. Text can wait.

Damn Nutrients

It starts to stick to me, and it's just another one of the 2AM bothers to gets wedged in. Always seeking the higher ground, the superior, leaves all this ash.

It's them, not it. Why is that so hard? Messed up anecdotes, the lot of it.

Need more sleep.

More Gaps

Trying to talk to team mates, they're writing pisses me off so much I can't read it. The willful blindness to outside, the creation of memory through sheer will; it's so damn annoying.

It's so common too. Because it doesn't match their world, it can't happen. Since they suggested it, it must be. Why the hell am I considered the mental one, at least I can tell illusions from facts.

Picked up the garbage today. Some truck hit my recycling bin and spilled it everywhere. Hate seeing that, but it's all picked up now.
Got to keep it clean.