Complex

Superiority is so damn overrated. People seem so happy to assert it over others they'll ignore what is actually being said to try and introduce the scenario where they are right, where they are better.

It's annoying. You must listen without ego to hear what the hell is being said, don't just translate what someone's said to something else.

Just listen, damn it. Why is that so friggin' hard?

Volvo: not genitalia

The FUCKING gap came up again. Why the hell can't we talk to each other? I hate guessing at intent, and I hate playing this coy. I just want to know what the problem is.

Everyone lives on a quarter acre fortress, all walled off to others. Behold emperor of a molehill, the foolish cemented nomad. All strangers, all alone.

Assessment. Am I good or bad? This is what drives people to the clubs and churches: for a judgment they can't provide for themselves. Is it possible to generate the statement "I am competent and human" with a peer to receive such a thought from? I don't know.

BONK

Tired Observate

I am once more filled with quarters, which is great, because I smell like a poultry rendering plant. I'm glad I was never there.

Air horns are quite fun, and are useful for getting stupid pussy-whipped people to shut up, but the chipmunk living in my kitchen doesn't seem to care about it much.

I sweat too much.

Mild Paranoia

I know I've made mistakes, that I'm not cut out or particularly special. Plenty of niches to fill. Plenty of places to grow. Like a mushroom. It grows in cow dung.

Some days, you just want to grab a power drill or putty knife and get rid of the bits. Smooth out the flaws. I'm tired of carrying them around. I'm tired of people seeing them. I'm tired of people seeing me.

I can't ask for the others. They say they won't judge, but they all do, all the time. You can't lie to me, I've seen you when you're tired. I've listened when the guard is down. I know how people work. I will not get caught. No matter what you say, I still know, and I'm not forgetting the lessons. I will not get caught.

Maybe a medical journal and a drill. Get rid of the bit doing this.

Or just die.

To the quiet.

Helpful Tip!

Yeah, just so you know: jejune? Not an actual word. It's more of an etymologist's practical joke. Believe me, there's a lot of them. you do it too if you we're in that line of work.

Also, windowlicking is a very confusing activity when you aren't really connected to pop culture any more. Who the hell are the Jonas Bros., and why are kids getting lubed up over the fact they do .. music, right? Did we learn nothing from the Hanson debacle?

What what

A little bit of drink and a little muzak, and things go well. Damn things is bubbling, and I ain't even pissing ducats up the wall.

Odd how the most informative things are in the oddest spots. The most clear definition of the ubermensch and the last man exists within a wiki detailing cliche's in the media. Odd, but handy.

I dare you to take a swing at my goods.

Brief

In the end, all we are left with are the small excellences.
is it enough?

Lying

It's kind of tiring in a way that the smartest thing to do is just assume everyone is lying to me and work from there. The people who tell me to calm down about it have the most to gain from me trusting they speak nothing but gold. Real pain. Most will tell you diplomacy is lying, and not bluntly stating things everywhere you go is an act of lying too, but I think you can be subtle without deception. Or is that self-deceit? Shit.

Somewhere a snake disappears up it's own asshole.

I think I get why that guy drove nails through his penis. Crazy fibrosis dude, I salute your volunteering ass.

Long jump

I suppose that's the big thing about working: keeps you busy and distracted, which is half the battle for most people. Bit slow, but it dulls things. Can't tell if I'm over or under slept at this point, both result in the same thing, disorientation.

They say the key is to enjoy one's job, but there are a lot of obstacles to that. For one, most people will never accept that someone can be content near the bottom of the ladder. How can you stay in a job where you have no impact and do only simple, borderline monkey tasks?
I suppose I rationalize that by doing a really good job of that simple task. If it goes well, everything around goes better to. As for legacy, well, no one really gets that anyhow. After 100 years, very little matters to anyone except historians, so why sweat it? Embrace triviality.

Is it normal for a child to kill a lifeform on reflex rather than observe it? I remember in school kids stomping on mice and snakes if they had the misfortune to appear on grounds. I always wondered why they didn't just pick it up. Most of them work in the plants now. Literally in some cases.

God I hated elementary school. Was from outside town, so didn't know the suburbanites. Didn't participate in the farming community or die ATV/snow machine, so didn't know the hicks. Didn't go to church, so didn't know the religious community. Hell, I didn't meet kids my age until Kindergarden. I think that may have messed me up a bit. Now they're asking me to be more social, and outside of boozing, I don't know. I've heard grocery store, but they're usually 40 years my senior and angry. I doubt they would appreciate melon talk.

MUFFINS!

Thought

Asked to change thought process today, to more fully consider the positive side of life. It just seems like willing blindness, to try and accentuate the positive and downplay the negative in the mind.

It's the entropy of everything that bothers me most. No matter the effort, the emotion, the point of something, it all falls away in the end. I remember gardening once, taking the time to weed and fertilize a few rows of corn and beans. And then I was called away from it and couldn't look after it any more. I hoped my brother would take care of it, or my Dad, who set me out to grow the vegetables in the first place, but it was ignored or abused, and died quickly. I remember getting home from work and seeing it in worse and worse condition, but being too tired or too late to do anything, until it was just overrun and gone. Nearly everything just rotted on the stalk. It seems that's the way of everything; you can try, but odds, are, it will die. I suppose some of it can live on, in a way. The pyramids still stand. Didn't stop those buried within from being used as fire wood though.